Becoming a Mother changed me in so many ways.
Good ways, I think. Having to be responsible for someone else emotionally and spiritually as well as physically really makes you reevaluate the world around you.
From the moment I saw her, I wanted to be better, do better, show her that her Mom was even half as amazing as her Mema. My Mother is a tough act to follow, I must add.
I want to show her that you can achieve your dreams, even if you got kicked when you were down. Several times. That if you keep fighting things will get better, which was something I had to figure out on my own.
Being a Mother has given me focus, lit a fire under me that had gone out after my Mother had died. I'm still working on taking care of myself as well as being a Mom but that's not easy. It feels a bit selfish and I have to work on knowing that's not what it's about.
Someone told me when I was pregnant that having a baby changes everything, but they made it sound so negative. When in reality it's not. My daughter has given me a reason. I say a reason because it covers a variety of categories that she ticks the boxes for.
I only wish my Mother was here to see her. Raising a daughter, a child in general, without your Mother to turn to is hard. I wonder if it has been extra hard because of the relationship I had with my Mother. Not saying I have it worse, but I think most new mother's have friends they can turn to for help and advice and I don't. My Mother was my only real friend. I have her friends that I turn to, but its not the same as having people my own age.
But I am learning to move passed that and work with what I have. Because I have so much and I am grateful.